the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
