guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
