I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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