Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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