who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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