I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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