youre lurking in front of me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
