so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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