Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
