His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....