lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?