If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.