Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED