I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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Be still, my beating vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.