I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
