It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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