you guys were way drunker than both of me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
