it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
