Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
