I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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