im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
