My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My ass is underappreciated
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
