hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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