Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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