i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your topless pictures make me question reality
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
