i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
