i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
