She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
