And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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