u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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