I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
