return my video game
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
In America we eat man semen.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
