First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
