I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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