WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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