shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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