I can text with my tongue
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
