did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
