I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
