My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
