this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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