you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
