It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
