A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
