Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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