maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
