i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
