I want to walk on stilts...naked
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
