There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
