I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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