we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
