would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
