I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
