Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
