my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
