conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.