I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.