I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.