Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth