see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore