Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...