Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?