2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
