i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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