i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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