just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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