Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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