found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
