why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
