No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
