i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
