I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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