Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
