just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
