Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
