Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
