ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
40s are totally the cure
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
