mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
