i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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