I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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