Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
