I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
