I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
