youre lurking in front of me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
