obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
