Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
