i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
