like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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