Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
