Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
