i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
