I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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