how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
