Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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