I think my fart just growled at me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
